Many thanks to this author for submitting to our critique contest. For your own chance to win a 10 chapter professional manuscript edit and $20 ebook voucher, follow @katherineamabel and @lisaslanding on twitter and tweet “I’m in!” Share your thoughts here for extra entries in the draw, and check out the rules to score even more! (http://beyondthehourglassbridge.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/critique-contest-and-giveaway.html)


Title: Doppled in Grey
Genre: Science Fiction

First Page:

The beast is gasping for breath, swaying and stumbling. B is still shooting, I can feel the vibrations in the air, but it is no longer doing any more damage. The monster is too far gone. I finish it off, watching blood pour out of both orifices. I try to slide off of its side, but before I do, it is on the ground, crushing my leg with it. It screams of pain, and I do in return. I can’t feel anything except for the shocking pain emanating from my leg. B runs towards me, but halfway there he pixelates out, and I am all alone, save for the thing on top of me screaming just as loud as I am. I shut my eyes and bite my lip, taking in the pain. None of this is real. Once it dies I will be back on level eight and everything will be fine. None of this is real.
Seconds turn to minutes, which turn into hours that drag by slower than a slug. The beast has stopped heaving awhile ago, but I am still here. I push on the thing’s cold scaly back to see if I can push myself out. I don’t budge. I push harder still and my leg only moves slightly but enough that I know what I am supposed to do.
I scream louder than I ever have, and tears prick my eyes as I try to push myself out. The pain is unbearable, but I stay conscious as I keep pushing. My eyes are squeezed so tight nothing would be able to break my concentration. I push again. The thing is only covering my knee now but my thigh is covered in blood. I need to get out, I must.
Another scream escapes my lips as I push again. Only to the ankle now. I take a deep breath the same words still going through my head.

This is not real.
I am determined to get out with this last push. All my muscles scream out with me and my heart pounds in my throat. Sweat drips from my body and I can feel it giving way. I am almost there. Every last bit of will in me is going into this last push. My eyes flutter and for a moment,and I can feel golden light surrounding me. I breath a sigh of relief before finally falling to the ground once more. My ankle is still caught but I am still pushing. I am almost done. I can feel it. I’m almost there.
And then a last sudden scream of shock escapes my cold lips.
“Welcome back to reality, Daze.”
Advertisements